... IS BACK IN BUSINESS!

Okay dudes! Bill is back after a brief hiatus where I spent some time in continance after the Valentiner Day debacle! What a crazy disaster that was! My oldest kid had his school v-day party and card exchange and several of the girls gave him cards with boogers in them. That was kind of gross but I told him that these are the breaks! Anyway... there's some real news right now that gets better and better every time you'll hear it.

So we went to this here offsite thing-a-ma-bobby, and wow, it was refreshing! I mean, woza! It really gave me a chance to shine in front of everybody who has not seen me shine before. And when people know how good I am, I feel good and it just makes me want to one-up them even more! At first, it was focused at first on taking care of the customer (because they are the ones that pay my bills), but after a while I decided that I would mix it up a bit and get every one thinking about safe computing! So after sitting back and being bored and thinking about what I should do while I blew spit bubbles and made googler-eyes at the falicitator, I decided the best thing to do was take charge and show everyone what I was made of: meat!

They decided on the first day we needed to split up into groups and work together as a team. In my team (I decided to call us the BB-Boys), I did more team work then all them skirts in my group, no one could keep up with me! We did this thing where we put blind folds on and had to fold a rope, but it was really a time to grope! LOLSL! Anyways, after getting a fistfull of boobers on that game we did this thing where we put our balls into a bucket by using ropes and jumper cords. But I had this idea and went and got my cricket bat from my car (I don't play cricket at all because that's what those limeys do). The falicaitor tried to stop me, but I told him to show me where in the rules it said I can't do that, and he could not, so heck with the old bastard! I was going to get points for thinking about the box!

Then we did other things that was a pantload and I got tired of it real quicker, so I tried to start up a game of pose-offs like I saw in that great flick, Zoolander! But, noooo! Everyone was scared to go against me! So all that team work was getting annoying cause my team was all crabby and would not do what I told them and I was getting upset so I asked them all if they needed some Mydol or something. Then that jerk Ben heard me and starting getting in my face over some nonsense about being fed up with me, but I told him he will be off my Christmas list unless he cools it! Later on I talked to his boss about me taking him under my wing becase he is wacky anymore and I think he needs a firm hand like mine to straiten him out.

After team building was over, it was time to get down to brass tacks! So we went over the biz plan, and those jerkies told me to leave after a while after I told them their failed buisness plan is not my problem and that the reason the bank is doing badly is because we lost all those customers because of our old webmaster and his stupid virus.

Not much to talk about lately just been busy bumpin' the grind! But I am in the dog house lately with the wifer because I screwed the kooch again with her car! I was on my way to work and Mary's car was just sitting pretty (she wont let me drive it because it was more expensive than mine) and I saw that her sticker thing on the window from crazy Mick (the guy from Ireland who gets my ire (LOLSOSL) who works at the luber place) fell off so that means it was time to go in for a hot oil treat! But this time I decided to do it for her myself and it didn't quite go quite as planned or something.

First I got out my tool and got down there under the front of the thing and climbed under it but I got my beard caught on something so that hurt but I got down there and found that little nugget that holds all the sauce in! Next thing you know I almost had it out and then all that stuff was pouring down my hand and got all over my new shirt! So I was trying to get our from under that beast and I got my belt caught on something and I was trapped so I started yeling for my boy to get me something to pry myself out with. Instead he brought me a shovel and I threw it at him and told him to get me some bowls. That little turd went and got me a bunch of dishes and by that time I had finally got my belt untangled from this pointy thing and then I put the bowl down and it started filling up. We went through about every bowl in the cabinet before we were done.

Anyway, the boy went back in and started playing his damn Atari thing we got him before school. So now I had all the bilge out into about 20 bowls all lined up in the driveway. So I took them in one by one and flushed it down the toilet and tried to clean the bowls out with some laundry soap I had sitting around. That got them clean enough for me so I put them back into the cabinet (they still smelled a little funny but nobody will notice once my wife fills them with cereal for the boys later). Anyawy, I go back out to the car and I see that I forgot to buy new oil...

Now, I know some of you will laugh, but you know what? I didn't want to catch Hades from the misses so I had to act fast! Thankfully, we had some vegetable oil in the pantry that seemed to work pretty well for about half of her trip to her job I guess because she called me and was pretty worried about her car smoking up on the highway and smelling like popcorn and gasoline. Anyway, when I got to the fixit place that mick runs, it was all downhill from there and... well, let's just say I am sleeping with the fishes tonight because Mary is not talking to me...

I just had to get that out on the open! I am sorry WIFE! Please forgive your loving husbander! :-)

That crazy Bitcjitch guy who wrote that crummy book about metaphysical zodiacs and how they can fix your network from getting crackered up (Tao of Networking Secretly) gave me props the other day it would seem! He saw my post to the Snordt mailing list about how stupid his packet hog program is but he thinks I was praising him! OFMGMG!! But then he goes on to say that he wishes I was not a real person! Well guess what! I am real and I am coming for your job, you Rooskie chucklebutt! Stuff that in your nose and smoke it! LOLOLso!!! You can read his worthless bloglog entry about me if you just click here.

Okay! The cat is out of the bag on my latest good idea... well, it's not so much of an idea but it's still hella cool! But I am missing one critical component and I need your help... I am trying to setup and Intruder Deflection System (IDS) using the Snotr software program and I want to make it work like that other program sguile in that it has access to all the packets... oh hell you know what is better? If you get off your lazy dumb and clicky here to read my post to Snart-Users and then you will get the big pitcher and all the kool-aid we can muster, mister!

Also, I talked to that hacker chickie who posted my bloglog on her bloglog thinger and she told me she works for something called the IRAC and protects the nukes from getting into the hands of Saddamists or something. Anyway... she's crazy and I will have to write more about them later because they are white-crack spooks indeed!

Hey dudes! Oh my ouchers, I have got something so way far out cool you are going to wish you didn't hear it from me because it's just THAT COOL! I took a little spill today after breakfast and wouldn't you know it, I wound up in the bank's basement! You wont BELIEVE what I think I found down there because even though it smells like my basement I spent the whole day down there digging around... I had never been in the basement of the bank before but I think I've struct dirt down there let me tell you! I think I have a great idea... but I am not going to tell anybody for a few days because it's going to take me that long to pull my mouth out of my shorts!!! LOLLL!!!! Stay tuned, dudes!

Happy Valentines Day you hackers and hackettes! Bill here with a Valentine for you! Since this is last minute I did not have a chance to make a fun page like I did for my gala Christmas carol last year (two months ago if you are going to nitpick).

So anyway I decided to do a nice thing for the CEO today! I sent her a big red box of chocolate brown sweets in a heart shaped box that I bought at the mall this weekend. And they are not those cheapy crapola kind of sugar things that this Indian guy (who I mentioned earlier who almost got me fired) always buys from the goat market or whatever it is downtowner on the filthy streets, these are good premium style chocolates from this store that my wife buys her boobie cream from.

Anyway, I got them here this morning and I remembered that this guy named Rancho from the mail room said she doesn't like nuts (then he said something about her spending time with her secretary lady but really... girls are like that they will get together behind closed doors and put make-up on each other and do all kinds of weird things). So since she wont eat nuts I went through all the chocolates and made sure I removed all the ones with nuts. I replaced them with some black jelly beans (the kind that nobody really likes but it is the thought that counts) and taped them down so they don't roll around inside the box. I don't know if she was happy or not but that's good enough for me!

Also, some crazy hacker chickie has put up a tribute to me on her silly web site! Apparently she is a white hat for the spooks and she sort of looks like that goth honey named Abby from that terrible TV show NCIS on CBS. I don't know if I should be insulted or not but when I saw this I about made trouser brownies I was so happy! Somebody is finally acknowledging my brilliance and genius in a positive way but I still don't take kindly to being called names, which she does. She has used lots of big impressive words and I am going to include them on my resume because it makes me look smart. BTW: If I was not a married man I would call her a pure hottie because she's got that special twinkler in her eyeballs that gets my hog rumblin'! Raaawwwr! LOLLOLOLLS!

Until next time dudes...

Hey dudes and nerds! LOL! I have made a Virtual Christmas Card for everybody out there who reads my bloglog! I wrote this fun version of the holiday classic The Night Before Christmas that tells the story of a smart, sexy, super dude (me) and his adventure come on Christmas night when a mysterious visitor awakens him from his winter fun! I tried to rhyme it right and I think I got everything in there so, without further delay, I wish you all a good time reading my poem!

click here to read my work of literary masterpiece!

Hey dudes!!! I took the kids to see Santa at the grocery store down by the office (it is a bigger and better store that the one we have nearby because the one we have nearby only sells diet soda). And the kids were very excited but you know my friends who run my hosting company had a pick of Dick (Cheney!) on their website (you can view that damned thing right here, but it is weird) with a huge nut in his left leg! So that freaked me out because he is the Vice President and they are not allowed to go commando like that. If the Dickard was doing it like that, what about Santa? So I wanted to make sure before I let my kid sit on his lap. I KNOW it sounds silly but when you are a dad you have to worry about sickos like him and Santa.

But it ended up not mattering much because my oldest kid (the one in the picture who is not a baby) has a problem where he can't eat. If he does, he will throw up. We've been to a lot of doctors and every time they tell us to do something about it, we don't because we believe in homeopathy (that is where you fix problems by eating grass and other natural remedies) unless something needs to get cut - we're not stupid! So anyway I gave the boy a hotdog and the little trooper ate it up even though he knows it will come back up later, probably in the car again. But we pressed on and I gave the kid the hotdog and some ice cream from this place in the food yard place in the mall. So anyway, when we get to Santa I am trying to get a good glimpse of Santa's package (LOLS!!!) to make sure that nothing is "out of spec" and I think the mall security guy noticed me bending over and peeking (no peeking at packages, LLOLOLOL!!!) and they wanted to escort me out... but then my son came to the rescue and made a huge mess! Normally I would be mad at him but today it came in handy! It was funny because Santa was covered in hotdog mess and all the other kids were crying. I took my boy to the toy store and bought him a new Go-Bot thing and he was happy until dinner time.

Bad news, dudes! We had one of those rare winter storms here the other night that resulted in lightning! There was snow and thunder and crazy stuff like I have not seen in years but you know what? It was fun! Until disaster struck and lightning struck our bird pole! We just got it up last week and had already started seeing the little tweets building their little love nest up there high above the trees. They are so cute! But now they are dead and probably not coming back. The little house my wife built exploded and the top of the pole was red hot for about five minutes. I tried to put it out with the fire extinguisher but it was so windy that the foam just blew back in my face and stung my eyes. So we just stood on the patio and watched and sung Amazing Grace. The neighbors started clapping when we were done so I don't know what that was about.

The next morining we went outside and in the snow were little bits of the house and the little sign my wifey made that read "Bless this Mess". We also found some feathers. My oldest kid gathered up the feathers and took them to show and tell today to talk about the dangers of lightning (he is a smart kid at least). It's too cold and icy to get up there now, though. So we are going to climb up there when spring time gets here and see if there is anything left to salvage from the wreckage and maybe have a funeral for our fallen.

Hi-ho! Bill here and wow let me tell you what a whirlwinder last three months it has been at the Bilano House and at the Bilano Office. First the big news... the wife decided to have another baby but I am not sure what that means. The next to big news is that I foiled a hostile tackover attempt at the bank on my very own! Nobody knows that I did it, so it is my own just rewards. Some people who have been here longer were bummed for some reason because they had stocked some kind of options or something for a rainy day and now they can't use them. Whatever that means. Anyway, this means that I got to keep my job at the bank! All I did was after reading the CEO's email I forwarded on the stuff about how they were going to take the buyers "for a ride" over to the buyers and then I attached one of the naked pictures of the CEO that I have with it. It was funny as stuff! LOLOL!

So anyway I was on the mailing lists today reading about the Seukris thing and I saw a funny post by Sean "Hell-Freeze" Helfee and Henner "the Butcher" Bowser where they were talking about a slow network on the Suekrist device despite their best efforts to charm the pants off of those patch cables. Anyway, Sean told Henny to bite the big one and whip out his member for some measurement and I laughed so hard I almost made pudding because I had eating too many breakfast burritos that morning (sorry but I think poop is funny, ROLFMSS!!!).

So that is my story for today! Stay tuned for my big Christmas (YEAS I say Christmas because I am a Christ-man! Take that in your loofah and scrub it, O'Reilly! LOLSOL!) update because you know what they say... tis the season to be freezin!

I just came across this! It is not nearly as big of news as the Charlie Root scandal below, but it's still worthy news... I was using my CINDR block list that I posted on 9/11/04 and I searched my bloglog's web logs and I found that our good friends at the Department of Justice are using my greylisting application that I released in June! That is so cool! They are using my greys program to keep out the terror-spam from Obsma "rm -rf" /bin/Laden! LOL!

149.101.1.127 - - [02/Jul/2004:12:17:37 -0500] "GET / HTTP/1.0" 200 31668
149.101.1.127 - - [02/Jul/2004:12:17:38 -0500] "GET /favicon.ico HTTP/1.0" 200 1150
149.101.1.127 - - [02/Jul/2004:12:17:41 -0500] "GET /bilano.png HTTP/1.0" 200 9915
149.101.1.127 - - [02/Jul/2004:12:20:04 -0500] "GET /greys-current.zip HTTP/1.0" 200 15781

The truth is exposed! The hack of the century has been uncovered! You heard it here first, folks. I, Billy B. Bilano, have discovered the truth about the faked deaths, the hackers, the sex, and the lies! I have posted my evidence on the FUD DISCLOSURE mailing list (click here to see the post) about how I caught on to the egregious and notorious phisher con-man who, in 1970, faked his own death to become a master packet crafter and extortion expert!

It seems that, from what I can tell, Charlie Root, the former baseball player for the Brown Cubs, now holds the very lives the entire information economy is his hands. I believe he may have also been responsible for the Y2000K catastrophe that nearly shut down the entire planet on December 31st, 1999! Evidence of this will be forthcoming...

Do you think you may he hackOred? Are you on UNIX? Check your front folder! If you see a folder named "root" or if you can finger (LOL) the user named "root", you will see him! If you have escaped his reach, you are certainly in the know and we could use your skills in the cleanup! I will soon be posting a resume section on this bloglog for people who can help the world with the global infrastructure cleanse-up!

This is a sad day for IT people everwhere! Some have told me to keep it under my hat, less the DOW collapse after Old Chinski unleashes his hoard of SELL orders! But I figure a first-strike must happen now and we must suck it in and tighten up our belts and draw the line in the sand right here and right now! We will now bow down and take it like alter boys for some hacker con-man! Not today and not any day! Long live the security professionals who put their lives on the line to make sure their networks are secure! Long live us!

The notorious "Mr. Root", who faked his own death to become a master hacker.

UPDATE #1: It appears that the nefarious Charlie Root is on to us and is heading for the hills! He is frantically trying to unsubscribe from mailing lists as we speak! Clicker this linker to see his unsubscribe request to openbsd-tech!

OMGF! There is something BIG afoot. I've gotten some weird email in the last six hours and I think the bank has been hacked by hackers yet again! I will post more info as it comes out but this is beginning to look HUGE! And I am not sure it's just our bank... it might be the entire internet! This is going to be ten times bigger than he win32.ssl.b (B for Bilano) virus that I discovered... check back tomorrow for more horrifying details about the biggest global-hack of the century!

I was reading the PACKET STORMER site and I saw a cool file of all the so-called government-related IP ranges. Well, I downloaded the file and HOLY SMOKES there are a lot of governments out there!

I thought I'd better get these IP's into the firewall at the bank so I can log firewall hits before we become a victim of one of those crooked third-world governments. I know they're crooked because I get email from leaders of those terrible places that want my expert help getting their money that was phished by Pay-Pal scammers back into their worthless Nigerian coffers (I would help them but they always want me to send them money and they flip out when I give them the bank's corporate card number and I never hear from them again).

You can download the list from right here: CLICK HERE

Here is the original file from THE PACKET STORMER: here.

Well it is here!!! No... not my new bird pole. Not yet anyway. But no! It is the Serving Pack 2 from Microsoft! An extra serving of BUGS as they say! But seriously, Serving Pack 2 deployments have been going on here at the bank and so far the word on the street is hoops! Everything is gold and dandy with this pack!

The Sun servers are puttering along just great! It was a busy month but we got our web sites back on-line! I had to take drastic measures and not update the bloglog lately. We had a LOT of stuff to do! I hired a consultant guy, a real smarmy shark jackass, but he hired two other super-duper smart Java guys and they got our website back up and running in just over three weeks! Then I FIRED them! LOL!

First, I had to take care of the Sun 6800s! They were so heavy in the server room that we had to do something. The floor was shaking and starting to crack and buckle under the girth of these massive servers. So, I called up by friend Roger and had him perform something a wee bit unusual! We mud-jacked the server room! We brought trucks up to the site of the building and some cement mixer gear and poured wet sand and a little bit of concrete in and pumped the raised floor full of it! Now those servers ain't moving anywhere! The ladies room underneath the data center needed some reinforcement so it would not collapse, but I didn't handle that because those tarts are crazy down there they scream whenever I come in there.

I would have had pictures of the stuff but I dropped my digital camera in the cement and now it's somewhere under the floor! LOL! Someday in the future they will find that cam and the memocard and find some funny pictures of my wife yelling at me and the kids playing by the highway construction site I take them to instead of the park... and of course pictures of the great mud-jack at the bank!

I have also started taking security really serious like with the release of the SP2 from Micro5hit. I am doing some good stuff with the CARP here to protect the bank from the crypto hackers! Ever since MD5 and SHAQ was hacked, we can't trust any packet anymore.

BIG update! Whew... until next time, dudes!