... IS BACK IN BUSINESS!

DUDES! I just saw the new thing on the rock! The Apple MacPower AirBook!

Yes dudes it is finally here!! The laptop to end all laptops and I am ordering one before they are all sold out! (Steve said once they sell them all they are gone for good becacuse if yoiu don't get one now you never will!) Peep thems features, dudesss!!!!!!:

• battery is integrated so it can't be taken out and used by terrorists!
• no wasteful dvd/cd drive because those parts can be used to make weapons
• it comes with osx!

Well dudinzens, I totoally BLEW CHUCKS on this let me tell you... Sort of! But it's better than you think.

Okay so my bloglog has been rolled back a couple of yars as you can plainly see as the eyes on your face. I had been working it here and the bank and had been posting about a hell of a lot of stuff and goings on and then last weeker I went on vacation to see Mary's folks with the boys (my daddy lives in an old folks home and he has all his friends there so i got no business going to interrupt him over the holidays anyway). Over yonder there they have a PC thinger on their Nintendoe We machine and I can view the internets on the Opera browser. So when they wasn't lookin I punched up the bloglog to see what people were saying in the comments!!!

WFT? I did not see any of my posts in the last six months!!! Nothing doing! So I panicaked a bit and scooped out my drawers and figured that someone finally got the best of old Bill and hack0d my site. NUTS!

But so I got back to workies on Wednesday morning at the bank and I sat down and started diggin into my backups to see if I could scrounge up something. (FYI: a security expert I met last year in an email told me to keep as few of backups as possible. at first I thinky that he's got a screwed loose and I called him on it, expecting high praise from the crowd that had gathered. then he told me that backups bad bad because they's just more discoverable data for when the shit comes down the rope. also backup tapes increase my attacked surface or something like that for good measure I guess. By keeping backups rare and far between, i keep costs down and reduce our over all risk pasture)

So anyway I got the backup and it was from like 2006 as you can see below. I started up the restore and it was going along just swell and then one guy came in and told me a joke and I dropped my root beer can on my laptop keysboard and it hit the bookmark for the bloglog and the bloglog loaded up! WHAT THE HECK!??! How could my siter be up when I was doing a full clean custom resorte of the datas!??!????????? I hit the little recycle button and made sure that page came up each time and then I even hit rewind and sure enough the bloglog was loaded up!!!

it turned out that it was my dev site that I had been postin too for the last while and that! so that makes sense since it was for my internal QA process for the bloglog code. so i went to lucnh with Rancho's replacement Berney (Rancho quit last summer to move back to Hunduras or wherever he is from). Berney is a great guy and he has a wife that is a cougar... he said "she is like a fighter jet, she spends 99% of her time in the hanger but when she flies baby watch out!" Berney is okay in my books!

So I get back after lunch and i sit down to get ready to print out the dev site pages so i can get one of my lackceys to OCR it for me back into the live bloglog and then I FORGOT SOMETHING!!! My restore scripts is set to delete the development environment when it resotres because it is a dead-man switch! once the rstore ccompletes it copies itself back over the dev site that way the dev and production are always in syncronize!!! WHY DID I DO THIS?!?!?! This si the first mistake I made since well, as long as I can remember anyway...

So that's the story. bloglog from May 2006 to today is gone forever!!! lost in the ethernet for all of time!!! IF ANY of you have PRINT OUTS of the bloglog, pls scan them and email them to me!! !Or if you have them caches pls send them!!!! I appreciate your cooperation!!!!

LATER DUDES!!!!

Anyway,

Hey folkers!

Bilano here and I am back from another week of hell! The bank was really rough this week but thankfully none of it was my fault this time and nobody was mad at me. Anyway, the reason I am writing today is because of a fun piece of spam that I got and it got me to thinky about the future of my children (the boys). (BWT they are still not throwing up anymore so it looks like I may have solved that little thorn in my ball)

Here is the spamm I got:

From: Alberto Gatorze
To: undisclosed-recipients;
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:35:51
Subject: LTA ivites you to South American getaway!

Dear %FIRSTNAME%,

My name is Penny McBride and I am writing you on behalf of the South American Travel Organisation (LTA). You have been invited by a mutual friend to enjoy a free two-week logging vacation in Brazil where you will be able to live the life of a real lumberjack! Adventures in camping, hiking, building fires and chopping down old trees await you on this once in a lifetime trip!

You see, here in Brazil we have too many trees in the jungle that need to be cleared in order to build homes, buildings, and pastures for our throbbing economy.

Now, Logging Travel Adventures, Inc. LLC is bringing the thrilling joys of the lumberjack life to foreign volunteers.

If you are interested in claiming your free once in a lifetime volunteer opportunity, please fill out the attached form and return it to:

...snipper....

Anyway, I went ahead and looked these people up and I saw that there are apparently a bunch of icky old trees down there in the South and they are in the way of all human progress and they need to be disppeared and fast. Sounds like a worthy cause to me! One of the sites I saw was that there was this one duden who was a local yokel and he must not have known how civilization began because he got his arms cut off and the tree-shaver thing went all haywire like and bounced around like an old man having a seizure.

So I figured I could make this into some kind of vacation for myself and the boys! See we usually go on vacation with Mary but she is a real wrench to the nuts because she never wants to do manly things she just wants to sit in the hotel and use her make-ups so us boys are forced to sit inside and watch TV while she practices her womanly arts or something.

The boys and I can be in the woods and we will all pitch tents together when it is time to sleep, and spend a lot of time in the bush! There are them tree sloths that lives in the trees tops and when we cut them trees down they will die when they hit so we will be eating well you bet!

Anyway, does anybody out there have any experience with this stuff because this sounds like a really great trip and we'd have a terd ball of a good time! Post to my comment thing if you have any advice!!! LATER DURDES!

Hey there dudens... Bill here. I'm not too happy about posting this in some ways but I have to tell you avoid St. Peters day like a plague because I did not have a good time out at the Irish pube last Friday night! Remember when I wrote about how Rancho invited me to go out with them to some place on that night and I wow... I don't know I don't like to even mention that because it turned out so bad.

Anyway, Mary is still in New York from New Years with the girls and so I figured I should just go out with the guys from work. I went out with these people and normally I don't drink but I guess on St. Patters day they make beer in the traditional color of the Irish which is green because they are envious of the Brittish (so says the wikipedica).

Anyway, I had a beer and then I felt funny and I noticed some girl was playing with my beard and so I had another and another and Rancho was not helping in fact I think he left at like 8:30 at night! Then they brought me these little tiny glasses that were like two inches tall and they said it was a "green meanie" or something and it was green too and so I decided why the heck not. Then some guy pinched by butt and said he wanted to touch my chocolate shamrock. And that is the last thing that I can remember! I have never had that much beer before and I don't know if I want to again.

I finally waked up on Sunday morning. I got the house all to myself and so the kids thought it was funny to built a sand castle on my bed by hauling in some sand from the backyard (when they mud-jacked the server room I kept all the spare sand because I wanted to make some adobe blocks in the backyard).

They was hungry for some reason so I brushed the sand off onto the floor with the rest of it and went to the kitchen. I started getting the hiccups and the whole room felt like it was moving around. I shook it off and fumbled around and got their cereal bowls for them and their spoonies. I got the little cereal container that Mary puts that stuff into down. I poured the milk into their bowls (I do that first because that way when I fill the bowl the cereal floats for a while so it looks like they are getting a heaping bowl full of stuff but they only get a little bit because since they are going to hurl it up later this way there is less for me to clean up).

Then the bad thing happened. I poured the cereal out and it was some of that Lucky Charms cereal. I saw them little marshmallows tumble out into the milky brine and then I saw the green shamrock marshmallow! I shuddered and dropped the cereal and I felt something hot in my throat like a big baseball was coming up. Then I leaned over and shot huge loads of puker all over the breakfast table! And it was green from all that darn beer! It came out my nose and my mouth and it was foamy and gross! The kids screamed and Bill Jr. Jr. slipped on it and fell as he was trying to get away but I just kept coughing and foaming up the whole kitchen.

When I was all said and done I stood there looking at the murky green landscape I had just sprayed down and grabbed a towel. I mopped and scrubbed because when Mary comes home she can not ever know that I got into the hooch like that! That was so scary for me and I am going to have to talk with HR about Rancho because he got me into that mess.

But the good news is that for the last day, the boys have not throwed up at all. I think I scared them so much because they'd never seen that happen to their old man before. Time will tell, I guess. Until next time...

Hey dudens! Billano here reporting in on the big day! It is SAINT PATTERICKS DAY today and I am ready to rock and roll! It's nice weather here at the bank and everybody is happy and ready to go and party, including yours truly! Them guys downstairs (Rancho and his hands) invited your intrepid ace computer whiz to a drink off! I am not usually a drinker but this time I decided that it was no time like the present so I am going to dive into the old kegger! They said they had some way to make beer green and I have to see that!

I think they invited me because Rancho heard that I had a crazy time in New Orleans last month when I was there for a function of some kind. Apparently it was the week of Mardi Grass party where everybody who was not washed into the sea by Karolita gets to party and stuff! I had a great time but I can't remember that night at all. After I left the hotel I got suckered into this drinking place and then bought me something and there must have been roofies in that because I woke up in my hotel room without my shirt and there was a bunch of beads around my neck and my man-boobs hurt something crazy!

Anyway, this time I am prepared. I went down to the store and bought a new digicamera for tonights adventure in paradise because I know I am going to get some liquors and I am going to be painted green by all the lovely ladies who go out to party because they know how to party.

I was not sure what to get, but boy let me tell you that these cameras are getting pretty good! Here is a sample picker I took of my office:

Anyways I got to get running because Rancho said the party boat is leaving right now and I don't want to be later!

Holiday Cheers time now! My wife surprised me last yesterday when she came home from her works and told me that she was going to leave the town for a while over the Christmas and New Years! Seems some of the girls want to go to the New York City and see their friends for a girls week out or something and they invited Mary along. That's just great because that means I get to stay home with the kids and help them wrap their presents this year and have my own holiday party with the food she wont let me eat because it makes me gassy (like those Little Deborah snacker cakes and Suzie's Queue pies).

She said they going to Broadway or something (they call it Broadway because only broads like that crap) and they was going to stay until New Years Ever because they wanted to see Time Square and Father Time and watch his balls drop like they do every year. There is going to be a lot of transvestires out that night because who wants to watch someone nuts slide down a pike until midnight? Only faggers.

Anyway, I called up the guys to see if they want to come out and romp while the little lady is out of town! I got out my Elvis Costello records and Foghat tapes and I am going to buy some beers and some jerky. They all said they might maybe come if they can make it. But then it hit me: I'd better clean up my workshop in the basement! See, I am a man's man and I don't do cleaning up. I let the wife clean up after me because that's her job because I am the breadwinner around the house (but she does have a job and makes more than me but she doesn't know that). But because the guys are coming, I need to clean up that area so we can watch the dirty movies!

Since the wife refuses to come into my workroom, I have a lot to clean up. There are about a year's worth of dirty dishes down there all stacked up on my model trains which I don't play with any more because the cat we had for a few days pissed on the power transformer and it died. I just put a plastic bag over it and stacked the dishes on top so I have to take care of that. Then there are all the chicken eggs I colored for the easter egg hunt that we did not do and they are not looking too good anymore. All the burger and fries wrappers and paper cups. A lot of papers from the office that I kept with email print outs and packet logs from the firewalls. And that crate of frozen mice that I got for my pet snake to eat (I found a snake under the desk where the cat died and I named it Raymond because everybody loves a snake) but all the mice thawed out and the snake died before it could eat them so I just left them over there to deal with later and there is no time like the present!

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to get the boys down there to help their old man out. I got them some shovels and we started to move it all over to the other side of the room. Once that half of the room was cleared (and it was actually more like three quarters because everything stacked up nicely), I went and got some scrubber brushes and I tied them to the boys' feets and hands. I poured a bunch of soap and bleach on the floor and told them to go ahead and skate around and pretend they were at the hockey field while I went to the hadware store to get the supplies I needed. I locked the door behind me on the way out so nobody would get them and I proceded on my way! When I got back, the boys were sort of acting funny and dizzy for no real reason. But they got that floor clean, let me tell you what!

So I told the boys to stand back a bit while I dumped the lime I bought over the whole mess on that side of the room. It was messy but I've seen them do this before on TV. They put the lime on the mess so that it smells better. But this stuff did not really smell like lemons but it was good enough for me since I've seen them do this before in the military and believe me, those people know what they are doing!

Then I built up a new wall real quick using my tool and cinder blocks that I bought. I sprayed some lysol in the old area and threw some more lime in for good measure. Then I placed the last block and I was done! The boys and I quickly glued the new drywall over the blocks and spray painted it to look right. When the wife comes down here she will see a clean workshop and be so proud of us men in the house and maybe she will stay home this time!

Yo ho ho and a Merry Happy Chistmaholikwandoodey or whatever those people are saying now instead of JESUS! Yeah we are saying that at the bank now because apparently some pople still think that Santa is Jewish or something.

Anyway, we had our office party last Friday and, as usual, a hacker attack broke out! Actually it was some security goons from some company that I guess we hired to make sure my nuts were tight like you could bounce a nickle off of them. These two guys called me up last week and said they wanted to test our network and said they were under contract and that they needed the root passwords for all the servers. I went ahead and gave it to them and they told me that they would be in touch with a final report. They said they read about the virus I discovered on my bloglog and told me it was because of generous and worldly human beings like myself that they are able to stay in business and that should the bank not work out, they will give me a corner office in their new building in Nigeria. But I don't want to live in that pit of a country because they are so full of scammer and fraudsters that my work would never be done!

So these guys decided to use the night of our party, a time when I was vulnerable from boozing and schmoozing up the teller girls from downstairs, as the night they would launch their test. The girls all had too much of the hooch and started to pull my beard when I grabbed them. But whatever because you know, they should not sell those thonger underpants to girls who are older than 22 because they should not be wearing them and believe me they weren't! (See, the bank was not supposed to dish out the piss like that but boy did they let them taps flow that night holer smokes!)

My pager started going off about the time the crummy magician they hired for entertainment fell over and all his cotton balls fell out of his pockets but that was okay because the magic was not really magic and it was not the good kind because nobody laughed at him and someone threw him a dime as a tip. He did not like that and so he suddenly up and left (instead of disappearing). It was more good that way because he had a black hat on and with all the booze I had floating around my noodle it really gave me a bad vibe and I think I freaked out or something because the next thing I know, I was running down the hallway screaming bloody balls about DNS cache poisoning or something. (I know this happened because I saw it when I was conducting my regular review of the the tapes of the ladies restrooms to make sure they was not doing blow off the counter tops, which they do because that's all those trailer park gals from downstairs are into. That and watching that stupid E gossip TV network. But they do have some fine caboose down there I must say!! RLFROFlLFM!!!)

So I busted into the server room and knocked over one of our racks when I tripped over that stupid sucker cup tool that I use to get under the floor tiles and to massage my forehead with. I could not get to the terminal to check it out because I could not see my way around the place and there was sand everywhere. But it would soon be okay because that guy Rancho who runs the mail room (I think that is his name because he is a mex or something and they all got names like that) had some chickies in his arms and some pot and the girls looked like they just got fed a snake. So they was dancing on my floor tiles with their stupid IPod and Rancho came over and asked me what was up. I was still thinking about the magician and that big damn black hat when my pager went off again and I fell over in my chair! I was so drunked up I thought my shoes were flying off my feet and Rancho told me to "chill out meng" and I chilled out.

So anyway, those girls finally passed out and Rancho said they would let us make out with them but I am a married man! So I moved them into one of my emtpy server cabinets and turned on the fan on the top of it so they could breathe and Rancho started singing "Yo yo! Put 'em on the glass!" like that rapper guy Sir Mixer-Upper does! LOSLSLS!!!

I was so tired by that point I was ready to die and then the CEO came in and I thought we were dead ducks at that point but you know what she did!??! She went over and tongued up that Rancho guy! There was slobber and it was so gross because she was kissing him and she's a lezzo anyway. But then he grabbed her hind side and she said something about her girlfriend wanting to become a manager of something. Crazy girls! So he left me in the server room with these two passed out teller broads in the cabinet while he went off to smooch with the CEO again.

So at that point I was fed up with my pager so I tossed it into the trash can and carried those two passed out girls into the parking lot and laid them real good in the bushes (the last thing we needed was for the coppers to find us in that situation so I made sure to pick out a real hidden place).

So those hired hackers... I don't know what happened to them because my pager was sacrificed for the greater good that night. I guess they did not get into Old Ironsides (as I call the datacenter) like they thought because nothing was crashed or broken when I came back in on Monday. I know they tried because there was hundreds of giggers of databytes that went through out router that weekend according to MTRG!

I guess they are disgraced because they wont answer my emails now! L!OL!!! And later, I was talking to our financial officer about it and he said he had no idea what I was talking about. That made me feel all fuzzy and warm because I've told everybody at the bank to be on the lookout for social engineering attacks and it looks like all my emails to the bank-all mailing list paid off!

Anyway that is it and I am tired of writing this because it's hard work to share my life with all of you fools who don't know what it's like to be a true fu-schnick like me. Until next time, dudes... this is Bilano, signing off and away!

Hey dudes! Long time no update on the old bloglog it seems. Shit has really hit the fanny at the bank. People are saying that we are going to get bought by a larger bank. But first, I got a joke for you that I think is a riot! I overheard this crazy one in our break room and I laughed so hard I almost shot Dr. Pepper out my nose... here it is:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing and he concludes by saying "and yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." Bush yells out "Oh no! That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

I can't believe the nerve of these people criticizing Mr. Bush in that way! He is a great President and I find it personally insulting that these people would dare say such terrible things! I mean if it were up to me all of these people would get put away because freedom of speech does not mean freedom to criticize! When they tell jokes like that it just makes me think that they are giving the Iraqers all the more hope to keep fighting us. Freedom is only in the eye of the beholder and those who giveth can also taketh away!

Now, on to the big news! Major shake-up at the banks! It came out that we are getting purchased by a mucho larger national financial bank! I am absolutely flipping out I am so excited because that means I will get to expand my knowledge by taking over the operations of huger place than I am now at and I can show my "cleaning house" acumen! I've been designing my plans and scheming and crafting up my strategy to convert everybody over to our systems ASAP. I've start port scanning their systems so I can present my vulnerability assessment next week to the higher-ups to show them where their defficiencies are (and so they wont give me back any lip when I waltz in and tell them to fire all their people that suck).

That's how I work. The first order of business will be to fire everybody. Then, I will go back through their emails (they have close to 400 IT people) and determine who is smart and then I will hire them all back as my support operation. We will have to move all their datacenters from Atlanta and Vancouver and Chicago and New York right here (probably to the second floor where my three racks and my Sun 6800s are). We may even need to get another server room and if that is the case I am going to push hard for a private bathroom this time.

We are going to be a leaner, meaner, IT operational machiner! LOSLSL!! I can estimate that I will save the bank several million dollars per year in payroll by moving everything here and culling my herd!

What do other people think? Well, they don't know yet because they don't get to read everybody's emails like I do. So that gives me the upper hand and believe me I wont be showing this hand to anybody (well maybe the back of it! LSOSLS).

Until next time, kiddos!

Someone is attacking our guestbook here at the Bilan-O-Zone and putting stupid links to Texas pornography and on-line casinos in the guestbook. If you do not stop this errant behavior I will be forced to take desperate measures!

UPDATE: Some asked me who that guy is in that pic. That's Michael Keaton from before he lost his arms filming Jack Frost 2.

Hey dudes. Nothing good to report today! I thought it was going to be a swell day but it turned out to be crappity crap! I got to work any a buddy of mine from Microsloft had send me an email about some new program they were beta testing for chatterboxers. He said that it would be about my speed and I don't know what that meant but after you read my story you will get what the hell I am talking about and my drift, too! I think he might be one of those homosex people. Anyway, the program is called "MS CHAT 2.5" and it is in beta so I can't link it to you because I don't want to get sued by monkey liberal lawyers and their activist judges for ratting out Microsfto!

So this program lookied pretty cool until I fired it up and joined the default chat channel! I will never use this program again because the people are crazy! They have their own website and post their own chat logs and they are sick cookies believe you me... So here is my chat conversation and you will see just how sick and depraved these people are (click to make it bigger to read):

Okay guys so like... it's late at night and I had some drinks here in celebration of the success I've had this week at the bank! I am really tired but I had to post this stuff before it was too late tonight and I would forget in the morning because the kids are so noisy at 6am when they start howling about having to eat breakfast. Anyway, that's a big distraction for a guy like me because I have to look before I leap.

So a few days back some guys on the snsort bleeder mailer list (a list of mails that get sent out to help people make better use of their intruder system by scanning emails or, as we say, bleeeeed them) suggested we start fighting the war against terror right here with out inboxes! So this guy Matt Jonkser put up some examples to look for terror words in the emails so that we can stop the insanity and catch some terrorists! And what did we see? A whole bunch of "I hate America" clowns cropped up out of nowhere and started yapping about how they can't do that and they can't do this because it violates some stupid laws that were made to protect privacy. Well get this: we at war and we are not going to pander to terrorists!

So anyway at the bank I whipped up some new rules to supplement Matt Jankser and his ruleset. Read about it all right here!

It has sparked a firestorm of debate and people are freaking out! OMGFG!!!!

Heye heye heye! It's your old resident computer expert back again. Some serious stuff today. I was at work talking to peeps in the mens room just at the bank just now about the Apple switching from PowerG5 chips to Intel (I had some mean burritos for breakfast and so while I am sitting on the terder evacuating the old chute I fiured I would write up the discussion I had while it's fresh in the old noggin since I overheard some guys from the advertising department complaining about it and then I piped up) and then I remembered: I was THERE at WWDC during the whole thing and I had an entire chat room log (given my current "sitting", pardon the pun! LOLSOL!) of my discussion and galant relaying of the latest nuggets of steaming news from the conference floor!

The whole thing started when I told the bank that I needed to go to the WWDC to find out about the competition (I called it the World Wide De-hacker Convetnion) in the net-sec world! They bought that line hook line and sinker (floater in my current shit-uation LLSOSLS!!!) and sent me off on my way, first class style seats on a major airline! After fighting with the security people after I got tangled up in one those moving elevators when my shoelaces got caught and then my pants fell off in front of some old ladies, I got to the Moscow Center to cover the gala event!

So I pulled out my booze and drank it down -- this was going to be one hell of a day! I figured I needed a little hit in the morning to start the day right and to help liquidate my senses! Anyway, I got my wireless on and sat down and VNC'ed into my system and got into IRC into the chatter channel to talk about the LIVE events as they unfolded! Old Bill scooped everybody this day! But you know what sucks major mule bootay? Nobdoy believed I was speaking the truth! Well I feel pretty vindicated now that everything I said was real, but I don't need to prove anything to those suck-nuts because you know what? I was there when the walls came down! I was there!

I also noticed that a lot of the coverage of the event did not jive with what I saw and reported upon! After I got back to my hotel and hurled a bit (the combination of strong boozers and the adrenaline rush of being in the same room as Steve "The Jobs" Jobs took its toll on my bowels and balls) I turned on the TV looking for coverage and THERE WAS NOT ANY! So I got onto the Mac forums and it was just as bad! Everybody painted a rosy picture of the days undoings...

So today, while talking to these goofuses in the pooper, I decided that it was time the truth came out! Rather than write a big story about it, I decided that the best thing to do would be to just post the chat transcript and let you all be the judges for yourself!

Read the IRC transcript of my WWDC coverage here!

Dudes! I just got back from watching the new Star Wars III: Return of the Sith and boy are my arms tired! I took the day off today (because it was better than last Monday because that was a holiday and we get that day for free anyway and Mondays are better because the popcorn is cheaper) to take the two boys to see Star Wars! And let me tell you what a blood pumping experience that was! In fact, for the last week my heart has been aflutter because I get to see the movie and the delicious Paris Hilton reprise her hole as Princess Padjama or whatever it was. I don't care how it's spelled because if it's wookie enough for me, it's wookie enough for me! Do the curtains match the drapes on her or what? LOSLS!!!

It was great, the boys had a blast! They had fun at first playing with the popcorn that was on the floor but no kid of mine is going to pay with O.P.P. (other peoples' popcorn, LLOLOL) so I went and got them a soda and their own bucket of kernels (the kind you eat, not compile LOlSOS!!!). It is expensive! The last time I saw a movie was like in 1998 when I saw Swindler's List about the Jews in Germany and what a complete bore that was! I fell asleep like fifty times.

The best moment when I knew I was a real dad was when in that movie that little robot RD2D (we call him Rudy) lit the meaner robot's oil or something and it blew up! That made me jump like a frog so fast I accidentally let out a whopper of a pass and the whole theater laughed at me. That was funny but what was funnier was how it just delighted the boys. They were laughing at their old man so hard. Then it hit me -- we were out of my son's medicine and he did not get any! Right as that happened I saw his eyes bug out and a huge streamer of sticky soda and chewed up buttery popcorn flew out of his mouth and all over this black guy and his hippity-hop girlfriend next to him! (Now I know someone else who wont be getting any! LOLOLS!)

The guy was real polite even though he could tell I was afraid of him because he's black. So I said to him "Yo I am sorry, yo!" and gave him the shirt off my back as I tied up Bill Jr. Jr. to the chair and took my oldest to the restroom to clean up. When we got back, I could not find Bill Jr. Jr. (he's 3 now) and so I started asking around. The string I used was gone, too! Now those dads out there know that feeling all too well, I am sure! We've all lost our kids now and then. So I hefted Bill Jr. over my shoulder and started running out of the theater to find the other one! About the time we got to the lobby, Bill Jr. hurled up a load all over my back (I should not have carried him over my shoulder in retrospect) and the manager came down! Some twit twat in the theater took Bill Jr. Jr. to the manager's office thinking I had abandonned him! What was this crazy whore thinking?

Anyway, so we just got home and threw our messy clothes into the hamper and now we're going to the public pool for a dip before dinner. We tried to fill up our inflatable pool this weekend but that's a whole other story. Anyway... until then! Ta-ta dudes and dudies!

UPDATE: After reading the forums on the netter I started to see some of these crazy clowns out there crying foul because they think Steve Jobs stole their dream! Well, that's tough titties if you ask me. I am pleased as punch because this is going to be great, but then I started to think... I never met a Mac user before (but I know about what they do, see my post below) so I fired up the GOOGLER (which is the worst search engine because they have terrible business practices and are run by a bunch of foreigners and make their employees work in gulags to make shoes for the executives) and I searched for "mac users" and I found this picture as the first result:

Hey duders! I was surfin' the hershey highway tonight and I read some crazy news! Apple is going to switch to Intel! Yeah that is huge news and I had to post it. It's the biggest news of the year so far! Michael Jackson? Downing Street Memo? They don't hold a candle to this huge news! Check it out because you know what, I don't care what you Mac fanboys are into because their computer choices always boil down to how much horse porno they can look at at once and how much Star Trek stuff they can get ahold and how they want to get some used Apple Newtons so they can take them out on a crappy little skiff and smoke cigars and get drunk while they play with each others balls! Sorry but I had to get that off my chest because they are crazy crackers and have no mothers!

But seriously, Steve Jobs said he's going to give us all the golden shower and deliver us from Windows by giving us OS X for the x86 platform!