Yo ho ho and a Merry Happy Chistmaholikwandoodey or whatever those people are saying now instead of JESUS! Yeah we are saying that at the bank now because apparently some pople still think that Santa is Jewish or something.

Anyway, we had our office party last Friday and, as usual, a hacker attack broke out! Actually it was some security goons from some company that I guess we hired to make sure my nuts were tight like you could bounce a nickle off of them. These two guys called me up last week and said they wanted to test our network and said they were under contract and that they needed the root passwords for all the servers. I went ahead and gave it to them and they told me that they would be in touch with a final report. They said they read about the virus I discovered on my bloglog and told me it was because of generous and worldly human beings like myself that they are able to stay in business and that should the bank not work out, they will give me a corner office in their new building in Nigeria. But I don't want to live in that pit of a country because they are so full of scammer and fraudsters that my work would never be done!

So these guys decided to use the night of our party, a time when I was vulnerable from boozing and schmoozing up the teller girls from downstairs, as the night they would launch their test. The girls all had too much of the hooch and started to pull my beard when I grabbed them. But whatever because you know, they should not sell those thonger underpants to girls who are older than 22 because they should not be wearing them and believe me they weren't! (See, the bank was not supposed to dish out the piss like that but boy did they let them taps flow that night holer smokes!)

My pager started going off about the time the crummy magician they hired for entertainment fell over and all his cotton balls fell out of his pockets but that was okay because the magic was not really magic and it was not the good kind because nobody laughed at him and someone threw him a dime as a tip. He did not like that and so he suddenly up and left (instead of disappearing). It was more good that way because he had a black hat on and with all the booze I had floating around my noodle it really gave me a bad vibe and I think I freaked out or something because the next thing I know, I was running down the hallway screaming bloody balls about DNS cache poisoning or something. (I know this happened because I saw it when I was conducting my regular review of the the tapes of the ladies restrooms to make sure they was not doing blow off the counter tops, which they do because that's all those trailer park gals from downstairs are into. That and watching that stupid E gossip TV network. But they do have some fine caboose down there I must say!! RLFROFlLFM!!!)

So I busted into the server room and knocked over one of our racks when I tripped over that stupid sucker cup tool that I use to get under the floor tiles and to massage my forehead with. I could not get to the terminal to check it out because I could not see my way around the place and there was sand everywhere. But it would soon be okay because that guy Rancho who runs the mail room (I think that is his name because he is a mex or something and they all got names like that) had some chickies in his arms and some pot and the girls looked like they just got fed a snake. So they was dancing on my floor tiles with their stupid IPod and Rancho came over and asked me what was up. I was still thinking about the magician and that big damn black hat when my pager went off again and I fell over in my chair! I was so drunked up I thought my shoes were flying off my feet and Rancho told me to "chill out meng" and I chilled out.

So anyway, those girls finally passed out and Rancho said they would let us make out with them but I am a married man! So I moved them into one of my emtpy server cabinets and turned on the fan on the top of it so they could breathe and Rancho started singing "Yo yo! Put 'em on the glass!" like that rapper guy Sir Mixer-Upper does! LOSLSLS!!!

I was so tired by that point I was ready to die and then the CEO came in and I thought we were dead ducks at that point but you know what she did!??! She went over and tongued up that Rancho guy! There was slobber and it was so gross because she was kissing him and she's a lezzo anyway. But then he grabbed her hind side and she said something about her girlfriend wanting to become a manager of something. Crazy girls! So he left me in the server room with these two passed out teller broads in the cabinet while he went off to smooch with the CEO again.

So at that point I was fed up with my pager so I tossed it into the trash can and carried those two passed out girls into the parking lot and laid them real good in the bushes (the last thing we needed was for the coppers to find us in that situation so I made sure to pick out a real hidden place).

So those hired hackers... I don't know what happened to them because my pager was sacrificed for the greater good that night. I guess they did not get into Old Ironsides (as I call the datacenter) like they thought because nothing was crashed or broken when I came back in on Monday. I know they tried because there was hundreds of giggers of databytes that went through out router that weekend according to MTRG!

I guess they are disgraced because they wont answer my emails now! L!OL!!! And later, I was talking to our financial officer about it and he said he had no idea what I was talking about. That made me feel all fuzzy and warm because I've told everybody at the bank to be on the lookout for social engineering attacks and it looks like all my emails to the bank-all mailing list paid off!

Anyway that is it and I am tired of writing this because it's hard work to share my life with all of you fools who don't know what it's like to be a true fu-schnick like me. Until next time, dudes... this is Bilano, signing off and away!